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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (13619)	2/28/2000 5:23:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62549

>CLASSIC VERSION > > > >The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building > his > >house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks > he's > >a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come > winter, > >the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter > so > >he dies out in the cold. > > > >======================================================== > >MODERN VERSION > > > > > >The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building > his > >house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks > he's > >a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come > winter, > >the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to > know > >why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others > are > >cold and starving. > > > >CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering > >grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a > >table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. > How > >can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper > is > >allowed to suffer so? > > >Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association for the > Advancement of Green Bugs) > >shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with "green bias," and > makes > >the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of > greenism. > >Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody > >cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green." > > > >Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS > >Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do > >everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the > >prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the > Reagan > >summers, or as Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's." > > > >Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that > the > >ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for > an > >immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." > > > >Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act" > >retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for > >failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having > nothing > >left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the > >government. > > > >Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a > >defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a > panel of > >federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent > welfare > >moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when > >there are no talk shows scheduled. > > > >The ant loses the case. > > > >The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits > of > >the ant's food while the government house he's in, which just > happens to > >be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know > how to > >maintain it. > > > >The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the > >grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are > showing > >Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of > politicians > >announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America. > >