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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MrsNose who wrote (13628)	2/28/2000 10:08:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fianc‚ is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "Look at this, it's still in the crate!"

To: MrsNose who wrote (13628)	2/28/2000 10:10:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62554

Miss Piggy asks: Why are coin banks often in the shape of pigs? Long ago, dishes and cookware where made of a dense, orange clay called "pygg". When housewives began saving coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as "pygg banks". In the nineteenth century, and English potter misunderstood the meaning of the term pygg and took it to mean pig. So when someone asked him to make a pygg bank, he made one shaped like a pig. The idea caught on and soon everyone wanted a piggy bank.

To: MrsNose who wrote (13628)	2/28/2000 10:12:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

A long time ago, Julius Caesar declared, "Veni, vidi, vici." "I came, I saw, I conquered." His words echoed throughout two millennia. Until one day... Monica Lewinsky gushed, "Orgasmus, slidici, incontinare." "He came, I slipped, it dribbled." Linda Tripp hissed, "Verboso, memorex, serpentus." "She told, I taped, I blabbed." Kenneth Starr cheered, "Gerministi! Homonisti! Felonisti!" "It matched! It's HIS! I GOT him!" And Bill Clinton sobbed, "Perjuratum, erratis, manuro". "I lied - I mean - I didn't."