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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13671)	3/3/2000 1:35:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

Define Your Terms, PAL! A police officer (who shall remain nameless) pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign, "May I see your license and registration please?" "What's the problem, officer?" snapped the motorist. "You ran the stop sign at the last intersection." "Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me," countered the driver. "Quite true. Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution." "You gotta be kidding me!" yelled the offending offender. "It's no joke, sir." "Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution," argued the driver. "That's beside the point, sir. You are required by law to come to a complete stop, and you did not. Now if I may see your license and..." "You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL!" interrupted the belligerent motorist. "What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?" "Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!" "I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." The police officer had had quite enough, "Indeed, sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now sir, would you like me to slow down .... or come to a complete stop?"

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13671)	3/3/2000 10:26:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Remembering the Quips of Groucho Marx... Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Room service? Send up a larger room. Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you... He really is an idiot. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.