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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (13760)	3/12/2000 8:28:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

A man met a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. So, they spent the night together. In the morning, before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment." On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note: "Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that: 1. It had never been occupied; 2. There was plenty of heat; 3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large." Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply: "Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.

To: Edwarda who wrote (13760)	3/13/2000 7:16:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62558

> > > There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a > pile > > of > > > fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last> > > meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, > he > > > decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too Much > > > though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering > > what > > > to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He > climbed > > to > > > the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got > airborne,> > he > > > would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped > like > > a > > > rock, splatting when he hit the floor. Dead. The moral to the story is: > > Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shit!!

To: Edwarda who wrote (13760)	3/14/2000 12:41:00 AM
From: Jay	Respond to of 62558

THE INCREDIBLE JUNGLE BUNGLE - In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle. After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye. The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments. Each time, he screamed so loud that he sent the dogs running for cover. And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down. The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the Friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing. "But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation we're dead." His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner said, "In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs away." "Why?" "You know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."