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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13762)	3/13/2000 7:18:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62558

A Holy Request While attending mass one Sunday, a little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" ========================= IRS Tax Form Change Alert We've just been informed that the Internal Revenue Service has simplified its 1040 forms for next year in the spirit of becoming a "kinder, gentler" IRS. It goes like this: (A) HOW MUCH DID YOU MAKE LAST YEAR?____________ (B) HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE LEFT?_________________ (C) SEND IN AMOUNT ON LINE B. ====================> > > >There was a midget from Plano, Texas, who complained to his buddy that > >His balls ached all the time. As he was always going on about his aching > >balls, his friend suggested that he go to the doctor and see what he could > >do to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the > doctor > >and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants > and > >he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants and the doctor put him > up > >onto the examining table and proceeded to look for the trouble. The Doc put > >one finger under his left ball and told the midget to cough, which he did. > >"Ah! Ha!" mumbled the Doc and, putting his finger under the right one, > asked > >him to cough again, which he did. "Ah! Ha!" said the doctor and reached for > >his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip on the right side and > >then snip, snip, snip on the left side, and he told the midget to pull > >up his pants and see if it still ached. The midget was delighted as he > >walked around the Doc's office and his balls were not aching. "What did > >you do, Doc?" he asked. The Doc replied, "I cut two inches off the top >of your cowboy boots!"

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (13762)	3/14/2000 3:02:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Here are some actual utterings from the mouth of Dubya: " I understand small business growth. I was one." New York Daily News, Feb 19, 2000 "If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." Hilton Head, SC Feb. 16, 2000 "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" Concord, NH Jan. 29, 2000 "I know how hard it is to put food on your family." Nashua, NH Jan. 27, 2000 "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" Florence, SC Jan. 11, 2000 "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself." Financial Times, Jan, 14, 2000 "Keep good relations with the Grecians." Economist, June 12, 1999 "We ought to make the pie higher." SC Republican debate, Feb. 15, 2000 "I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people." Meet the Press 2/13/2000 "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there." Iowa Western Community College, Jan. 21, 2000