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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13778)	3/14/2000 11:42:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

The Complete Bushisms Updated weekly. slate.msn.com Compiled by Jacob Weisberg Posted Friday, March 10, 2000, at 10:30 a.m. PT "It's evolutionary, going from governor to president, and this is a significant step, to be able to vote for yourself on the ballot, and I'll be able to do so next fall, I hope."?In an interview with the Associated Press, March 8, 2000 (Thanks to Joshua Micah Marshall) "It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature.'?Los Angeles, Feb. 23, 2000 "I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants. And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go to the university."?Today, Feb. 23, 2000 "I understand small business growth. I was one."?New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000 "The senator has got to understand if he's going to have?he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."?To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17, 2000 "Really proud of it. A great campaign. And I'm really pleased with the organization and the thousands of South Carolinians that worked on my behalf. And I'm very gracious and humbled."?To Cokie Roberts, This Week, Feb. 20, 2000 "I don't want to win? If that were the case why the heck am I on the bus 16 hours a day, shaking thousands of hands, giving hundreds of speeches, getting pillared in the press and cartoons and still staying on message to win?"?Newsweek, Feb. 28, 2000 "I thought how proud I am to be standing up beside my dad. Never did it occur to me that he would become the gist for cartoonists."?ibid. "If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."?Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000 "How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"?Explaining the need for educational accountability in Beaufort, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000 "We ought to make the pie higher."?South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000 "I do not agree with this notion that somehow if I go to try to attract votes and to lead people toward a better tomorrow somehow I get subscribed to some?some doctrine gets subscribed to me."?Meet The Press, Feb. 13, 2000 "I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less?I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people."?ibid "I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth."?Nashua, N.H., as quoted by Gail Collins in the New York Times, Feb. 1, 2000 "The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."?Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000 "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"?Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000 "This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."?Speaking during "Perseverance Month" at Fairgrounds Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000 "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."?Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000 "What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.'?Quoted by Molly Ivins, the San Francisco Chronicle, Jan. 21, 2000 (Thanks to Toni L. Gould.) "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were," he said. "It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there."?Iowa Western Community College, Jan 21, 2000 "The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house."?Des Moines Register debate, Iowa, Jan. 15, 2000 "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses."?At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000 "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."?ibid. "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"?Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000 "Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."?ibid. "There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be town-hall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge country."?Larry King Live, Dec. 16, 1999 "I read the newspaper."?In answer to a question about his reading habits, New Hampshire Republican Debate, Dec. 2, 1999 "I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society. ... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked."?Meet the Press, Nov. 21, 1999 "The students at Yale came from all different backgrounds and all parts of the country. Within months, I knew many of them."?From A Charge To Keep, by George W. Bush, published November 1999 "It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice presidents."?Keene, N.H., Oct. 22, 1999, quoted in the New Republic, Nov. 15, 1999 "The important question is, How many hands have I shaked?"?Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more time in New Hampshire, in the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999 "I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."?On discussions of the Vietnam War when he was an undergraduate at Yale, Washington Post, July 27, 1999 "The only thing I know about Slovakia is what I learned first-hand from your foreign minister, who came to Texas."?To a Slovak journalist as quoted by Knight Ridder News Service, June 22, 1999. Bush's meeting was with Janez Drnovsek, the prime minister of Slovenia. "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement."?Quoted by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times, June 16, 1999 "Keep good relations with the Grecians."?Quoted in the Economist, June 12, 1999 "Kosovians can move back in."?CNN Inside Politics, April 9, 1999 "It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then."?From a 1994 interview, as quoted in First Son, by Bill Minutaglio

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (13778)	3/16/2000 4:29:00 PM
From: SofaSpud	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62551

Famous Irishmen: I noticed D'Arcy McGee on your list. The story seems to hold up in his case. Here's a bit of background on him: "Thomas D'Arcy McGee, author and journalist, who, on account of his participation in the "Young Ireland' movement, was forced to leave his native land, in disguise, and take refuge in America. In 1850, after he had made a home for his wife at Boston, Mass., she joined him there, and they continued to live in the United States up to 1857, when Mr. McGee removed to Canada, where he was elected to Parliament, and became, in 1862, a member of the Government." (Source:http://www.nlc-bnc.ca/confed/moc006.htm) He also has the rare distinction of having been assassinated in Ottawa, which doesn't happen too often. ------------- It's customary to add a joke. How about some occasionally amusing trivia (with acknowledgement to Ed Hexter): It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago... The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven. Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.ÿ A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.ÿ With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower. The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour.ÿ The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year. More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home. Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." Sugar cost four cents a pound.ÿ Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants. The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: ÿÿÿ 1. Pneumonia and influenza ÿÿÿ 2. Tuberculosis ÿÿÿ 3. Diarrhea ÿÿÿ 4. Heart disease ÿÿÿ 5. Stroke The American flag had 45 stars.ÿ Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet. Drive-by-shootings -- in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy -- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty.ÿ The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families. Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented. There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day. One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write.ÿ Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school. Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals.ÿ They recommended slipping bromide -- which was thought to diminish sexual desire -- into the woman's drinking water. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores.ÿ According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health. Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine. Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census. Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic. There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually.