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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: pezz who wrote (76645)	4/2/2000 1:50:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

hi pezz, I don't think we disagree basically at all about opinions. Of course everyone has and is most welcome to his or her own opinions. What I objected to was a very serious and hurtful implication of sexual child abuse-- and regardless of post facto explication, no one else seems to think that it wasn't implied quite clearly by the writer in her original post. By "removing feelings", I meant the verbally, emotionally descriptive parts of Michael's post, not the feelings of Michael himself or your feelings about what was written. You had said that the WAY in which the feelings were expressed bothered you. But in your last post it sounds more like it WAS the act that bothers you, and that is where I think that one has to be a parent to understand the feelings of caring for a child. You are of course entitled to the opinion, as is Lorrie, but when one makes such very nasty assumptions about a common parental practice, one had better expect parents to take offense. ANd if one hasn't the experience, then one ought to have some facts, and thus far, there has been none presented. I did an informal poll of all my friends on and off line last week, and every one -- without exception-- had taken baths with their infants. I realize that this has no more scientific validity than the use of your girlfriend as your factual basis, but it was interesting. I also did an on line search for ANY reference to bathing with children, but found nothing, only many many studies which were strongly in favor of an active paternal role in the care of children, including physical nurturance, and the value and need for touch and love by infants. These articles WERE written for the most part by specialists and scientists. At this point, I'm confused about whether you are arguing that Michael made up the incident and whether he is a good writer or not, an opinion I don't much care about one way or the other, or whether you are actually arguing against the issue itself, that of bathing with infants. I would certainly be willing to listen to your or Lorrie's opinion about this if there had been ANY support offered beyond what appeared to be a personal and very strong adverse reaction to it, springing from unknown sources. BUt I believe that to imply that anyone here is committing an illegal and immoral act with a child is to step way outside of what is appropriate, particularly when it is done without factual support, and when it is not for the purposes of discussion or clarification. That's the only post with which I really took issue. The rest is just opinion by all of us. By the way, it isn't that you might not have great ideas and theories about childrearing that are absolutely correct and on the money. I was a CPS worker long before I had children. It's just that sometimes things that seemed very obvious and simple pre-kids, just aren't when you're in the middle of raising them. Sometimes people, while they may be correct in their opinion, lack a certain sympathy and compassion, a willingness to consider that there are many different, yet perfectly healthy ways to raise a child, or live a life, or do most anything. So while your friend may be raising an emotionally healthy child NOT bathing with it, I have raised exceptionally stable and secure boys, and I DID bathe with them. It's the condemnation of a practice without making a factual case against it that bothers me. It's fine if you want to just say, eww- that bothers me, but I don't know why.