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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: High Grader who wrote (14080)	4/14/2000 9:21:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Lucy's Bad Habit ---------------- Little Lucy loved sucking her thumb so much. She was now five years old but hadn't stopped the bad habit. With an effort to stop her from this bad practice, Lucy's mother lied to her that her stomach will swell and will finally burst if she doesn't stop the habit. The lie scared little Lucy that she actually stopped the habit immediately. A month later, Mrs. Blecker, who was expecting her first child, pays them a visit. When Lucy comes in to greet her she stops first to stare at Mrs. Blecker's tummy, then goes ahead with her greeting. Mrs. Blecker notices the hesitation and asks, "Hi, Lucy! I guess you are wondering where I've been, aren't you?" The little girl answers, "Not exactly, Mrs. Blecker, I know what you've been doing and you better stop it fast."

To: High Grader who wrote (14080)	4/14/2000 9:22:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped." Groucho

To: High Grader who wrote (14080)	4/14/2000 9:29:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "tongue" 25 "breakfast" 35 "She didn't set back my therapy." 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids." 66 "Got home alive." AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 getting to third 25 airplane sex 35 menage a trois 48 taking the company public 66 getting an erection AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 17 AGE IDEAL DATE 17 "Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in." 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place." 35 "Just come over." 48 "Just come over and cook." 66 "Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 "Burger King" 25 "Free meal" 35 "A diamond" 48 "A bigger diamond" 66 "Home Alone" AGE FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 AGE IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast

To: High Grader who wrote (14080)	4/14/2000 9:31:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

Subject: Pharmacology news In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name, Tylenol is Acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin.

To: High Grader who wrote (14080)	4/15/2000 3:24:00 PM
From: Crater Lake Hermit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

I have a good friend that was on the front line in Korea. He tells everyone that is willing to listen that when men are on the battle field, wounded, bleeding and in horrible pain that they almost always cry for their mother..... I doubt that he is making this up. Now the humor... There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and WHACK - he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZE" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden - WHACK - the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when he comes back -WHACK - he knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."