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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Gauguin who wrote (49432)	4/20/2000 3:04:00 PM
From: Ish	Respond to of 71178

What a morning today!! Started off warm and calm. Then came a thunderstorm. Then nice. Then pouring rain with God only knows how much wind, sounded like a tornado. My boat was pointed south and got turned to the west. The canvas on it was shifted 14" and it's held by 10 tie downs. My yard is full of branches from a stand of pines 200 yards away. Then it got real quiet. More lightning. The dogs got scared and hid behind the furniture. Then hail. 1" hail. I ran out and moved the car into the garage and got pelted. Course as soon as I got it into the garage the hail quit. Then another lightning storm. All that before 9am.

To: Gauguin who wrote (49432)	4/20/2000 6:05:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

OK I am back from another round of shopping for a fancyschmancy dress for the Damn THree Tenors, whom I'm starting to resent a lot, and they better not miss a note after all this trouble they've caused me. But the invitation reads BLACK TIE in bold, which I assume means, "don't f*** with us, we mean really fancy, and nothing from five seasons ago is acceptable. and don't even THINK Walmart." Dan went to buy new accessories for his tux- that's drastic. We leave tomorrow, and I am still dressless. I'm having a glass of wine and then heading out again. I have exhausted the outlets, and now must face the mall. I have lost two pounds since yesterday by drinking nothing but soypowder and skim milk. I figure if you look at the pounds I need to lose by tomorrow (20), I'm really halfway there (the 2 is gone). Even better, there are 0 left to lose. Which is how I'm justifying the glass of wine. I tried on everything. I finally went to Saks, even though I hate going into stores like Neiman's or Saks. THey totally intimidate me. I always think that they'll ask me for ID- some sort of card that says I 've been approved to enter and browse the golden racks of elite namebrand merchandise. BUt I'm desperate. Surely they should have something. Well, they do if you are 6 feet tall and weigh 55 pounds, like the girl who was suspiciously counting garments when I went into the dressing room. Now come on, I know they are "upscale", but this was insane. Everyone who works there has on a headset and they mutter to each other constantly. I heard one man say- "Go to Camera 5-" I SWEAR that's what he said.. One dress I got really excited about-- it was straight and black, with fringe around the bottom and when I looked at the tag, it said HARLOT. Wow!! I just had to have a dress made by, or for, Harlots! So I took it to the dressing room, where the suspicious girl, who was 6 feet tall and weighed 55 pounds said, How many garments. LIke it was so hard to tell? One hanger? One small piece of black cloth? I asked for the dressing room with camera 5.. I am for some reason compelled to try to ingratiate myself with hired help. I think it's a reaction against my mother, a normally lovely, kind person, but she had this attitude about salespeople-she used to actually SAY this.. "They're not human." I then said, "OH, could I borrow your body for this weekend?" She looked nonplussed- but said sure. You know how you say something and then realize how incredibly stupid it sounds? LIke she probably thought I was asking her for a date. ANd so you try to get out of it- heh heh-- I mean....I want to be tall and anorexic...hehehe I felt so dumb. Then I noticed I had read the tag wrong- it said HARLOW. Harlow. WHat kind of sexy label is that. I put it back. Then I found a great flowing silky pants and top and it fit and it even had this great scarf thing that I thought I could fling around for emphasis at the oh so elegant black tie dinner, but when I went to pay (it was 355 marked down to 129) I noticed it was torn on the shoulder.I said, this is damaged, and I'll try to fix it, but I don't want to pay full price if it's unfixable. Is there a discount for damaged stuff? Well!!! You;'d have thought I had drooled on his Armani jacket. I could tell he was thinking, who let HER out of Target? And he got on his headset and pretty soon, someone appeared with a big book, and they went through this routine. And said they'd give me 10.00 off -and it wasn't returnable. So I left. And now I regret it, because I really don't want to go to the mall and start over. ANd who the hell cares if it has a hole. God I hate this. This is what I would like. Let's put a diamond collar and leash on Stumpy. Or maybe one on Dash. ANd I'll take them to Saks and they can deal with these people.