Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 9:07:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

A Final Meal Three guys are about to be executed and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. The Italian responds, Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then executed. The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and then executed. The Jew requests a plate of fresh strawberries. "STRAWBERRIES?" "Yes, strawberries will be fine." The guard retorts, "But they are out of season!" "So, I'll wait already..."

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 9:09:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

In Confession... A drunk staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest clears his throat to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall several times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' there, mate... not a shred o' paper in this one either."

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 9:22:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

Prayer Time ----------- A little girl was softly saying her night prayers kneeling down, and her mother was beside her."Say your prayers louder, darling, I can't hear you," Said the mother. "But I'm not talking to you" was the instant reply.

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 9:24:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

First Sky Diving Jump ---------------------- A fellow gets ready to make his first jump. His jumpmaster sees he's nervous and says, "Don't worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there's a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft." So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls on his reserve ripcord. Dirty laundry comes out of the reserve container. He's falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, "Great. I bet the darn truck won't be there, either."

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 11:17:00 AM
From: sandintoes	Respond to of 62549

LOL work is no fun! WILL THE REAL DUMMY STAND UP! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. --------------------------------------------- WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out "give yourself up." ---------------------------------------------- WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. ----------------------------------------------- SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY! Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..." --------------------------------------------------- DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" ----------------------------------------------------- ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" The doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" The man shouted. "This is her husband!"

To: John Carragher who wrote (14172)	4/26/2000 12:53:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420-YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who is he going to tell?"