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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:29:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

"Emily, I don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?" "Oh, my gosh," her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and start with wild sex!" "What should I do?" "Wear an old dress."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:30:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

One tired young working girl boarded a train and found there were no empty seats. She approached this one young man and said, "I'm sorry for asking, but may I have your seat, I'm pregnant." He got up at once and she sat down. Several minutes passed and he was staring at her. Finally he said, "You don't look pregnant to me at all. She looked up at him and smiled saying, "Well, it's only been about a half hour or so."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:31:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?"

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:34:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well." She said. "I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear." She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher's ass before the day was over."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:35:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

Two guys, Stan and Ed, were working a construction job digging a ditch. The foreman was at them all the time to keep busy. No breaks, just work, work, work! Finally it dawned on the two guys that the foreman left every day at 3:00 in the afternoon. So they decided to start leaving at 3:15. The very next day when the foreman left at 3:00, Stan and Ed left at 3:15. Stan goes home, walks through the house, opens the bedroom door, and there on the bed is his wife and the foreman. Stan quickly runs back to the job and digs like mad until 5:00. The next day when Ed arrives at work, Stan says, "Listen Ed, we can't knock off work any more at 3:15..... I almost got caught!!!!"

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:37:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

A man went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of his problem. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?" "Well, yes, once." "Well, how did she look?" "Oh boy,... she looked VERY angry!" At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw her face that time?" "She was watching her sister and me through the window."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (14397)	5/10/2000 1:40:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

"What is the difference," a woman asked a keeper during a visit to the Zoo, "between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine ?" "The principal difference between them, Miss," the attendant replied, "is that the North American species has a longer prick." The woman fled in distress and anger to the Administration Building where the Chief Curator attempted to mollify her. "I apologize for my staff, Miss." he said. "It was an unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is that the North American porcupine has a longer quill. Their pricks are exactly the same size." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whew! May I take a break now? LOL!