Subject: Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia
> Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President
>Clinton announced U.S. plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn
>region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American
>history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E,
>I,
>O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.
>
> "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and
>Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the
>world,"
>Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say,
>'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
>incomprehensible words. The U.S. is proud to lead the crusade in this noble
>endeavor."
>
> The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State
>Department,
>is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and
>Grzny slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each
>carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force
>base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.
>
> Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the
>vowels.
>
> "My God, I do not think we can last another day, Trszg Grzdnjlkn,
>44,
>said. "I have six children and none of them has a name that is
>understandable to me or anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor,
>wretched family just one 'E.' Please."
>
> Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key
>letters,
>I could be George Humphries. That is my dream."
>
> If the initial airlift is successful, Clinton said the United States
>will go ahead with full-scale vowel deployment, with C-130s airdropping
>thousands more letters over every area of Bosnia. Other nations are
>expected
>to pitch in as well, including 10,000 British "A's" and 6,500 Canadian
>"U's." Japan, rich in A's and O's, was asked to participate in the relief
>effort, but declined.
>
> "With these valuable letters, the people of war-ravaged Bosnia will
>be
>able to make some terrific new words," Clinton said. "It should be very
>exciting for them, and surely much easier for us to read their maps."
>
> Linguists praise the U.S.'s decision to send the vowels. For decades
>they have struggled with the hard consonants and difficult pronunciation of
>most Slavic words.
>
> "Vowels are crucial to the construction of all language," Baylor
>University linguist Noam Frankel said. "Without them, it would be difficult
>to utter a single word, much less organize a coherent sentence. Please,
>don't get me started on the moon-man language they use in those Eastern
>European countries."
>
> According to Frankel, once the Bosnians have vowels, they will be
>able
>to construct such valuable sentences as: "The potatoes are ready"; "I
>believe it will rain"; and "All my children are dead from the war."
>
> The American airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter
>to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the U.S.
>shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaououa,
>Eaoiiuae and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's S's and T's. The
>consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the
>letters
>were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting warlords.
>
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