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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Big Al who wrote (14438)	5/11/2000 10:11:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62550

Why Dogs Can't Use Computers ------------------------------ -He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse. -SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question. -Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work. -Three words: carpal paw syndrome. -Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he's browsing www.purina.com instead of working. -The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating. -He can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've Got Mail". - It's too messy to "mark" every Web site he visits. -The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms. -He can't stick his head out of Windows 98.

To: Big Al who wrote (14438)	5/12/2000 4:25:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

A ten-year-old boy was walking home with a girl in his class. He said, "Pammy, you're the first girl I have ever loved." Pammy responded, "Great, that's all I need--another beginner."

To: Big Al who wrote (14438)	5/12/2000 4:29:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

The teacher was having a creative writing lesson in her English class. She put a brick on her desk and asked children to tell her what came into their minds when they saw this brick. The first kid said, "I think about my dad. He is a construction worker." Another said, "I think about our new house." Then the teacher thought, "Why don't I ask Johnny? After all, what can he say about a brick that would be improper?" So she said, "Johnny, what do you think about when you see this brick?" Johnny stopped carving a big J into his desk and said, "Naked chicks!" The teacher was horrified. "But why, Johnny? Why? This is a brick!" So Johnny said, "But that's what I always think about!"

To: Big Al who wrote (14438)	5/12/2000 5:18:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

An acknowledged repeat but still fun: Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: For sitting on Pinnocchio's face saying, "Lie to me, lie to me."

To: Big Al who wrote (14438)	5/12/2000 5:23:00 AM
From: Edwarda	Respond to of 62550

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy." Bartender says, "You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?" The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." and he pulls a little three-inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks, "You mean to say, he can drink that much?" "Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender pours the two shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Rodney, Go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?" The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa, on safari, and you called that native witch doctor "Dickhead!"