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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (14557)	5/13/2000 5:56:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62569

Sometimes the truth is more amusing than fiction....... A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab,lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong one. ******* A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient. ***** One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." ***** I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. ***** A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is only a one-seater!" ***** During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. ***** While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive." ******* And of course, the best is saved for last.... A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." >>

To: Edwarda who wrote (14557)	5/13/2000 6:01:00 PM
From: John Carragher	Respond to of 62569

> > >A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You ... foreigners, come in! Come into my humble shop. Not being able to resist, the couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them... " I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." The wife (being the smart woman she was) was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband (having the typical male ego) felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero (in his mind) that he was... The husband asked the man... "How could sandals make you into a sex > > > > > > > > > > freak?" The Pakistani man replied..."Why don't you > > > > > > > > > try them on and see > > > > > > > > > for > > > > > > > > > > yourself?" > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, the husband, after much badgering from his > > > > > > > > > wife, finally > > > > > > > > > conceded to > > > > > > > > > > try them on. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got > > > > > > > > > this wild look in his > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in years - > > > > > > > > > raw sexual power. In a > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani > > > > > > > > > man, threw him on a > > > > > > > > > > table and ripped off the man's pants. Unable to > > > > > > > > > break from the attack, > > > > > > > > > the > > > > > > > > > > shopkeeper screamed... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "WRONG FEET!... YOU'VE GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!