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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14682)	5/21/2000 12:41:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

BENEFITS OF GROWING OLDER In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick. No one expects you to run into a burning building. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can live without sex but not without glasses. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You got cable for the weather channel. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You send money to PBS. You sing along with the elevator music. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. People send you this list ...

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14682)	5/21/2000 1:00:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Another International Custody Problem [Miami,FL] A young Canadian boy is being held in Miami today by a group of Canadian expatriates who refuse to let him be returned to his father in Canada. The boy, one Ernie MacDougal, was visiting Disney World with his mother when she fell out of the ride on Splash Mountain. After what some say is a miraculous survival aided by members of the Miami Dolphins, he reached the end of the ride, where he was interviewed by Disney security. Asked repeatedly where he was from, he kept answering, "Saskatoon Saskatchewan." Taking this as the babblings of delirium, the boy was turned over to Dr. Phil McCracken, the physician on duty at the park at that time. As luck would have it, Dr. McCracken is a Canadian who had himself fled the tyranny of having the Canadian government tell him how to run his medical practice, and had come to the United States in hopes of having large publicly traded corporations tell him how to run his medical practice. Family members, living in Miami,swept the boy away to their home and called the media to announce their intention to prevent the boy from being returned to a country where he could not be free to take a gun to school to defend himself against the other children with guns. Other Canadian expatriates have formed a human shield around the house, linking arms and shouting, "Hell no, he won't go, eh!" The boy's father in Saskatoon has issued a public demand for his return, but as yet has shown no sign of willingness to travel to Miami. State department experts on Canada believe that he is not allowed to leave Canada until he manages to complete a multi-page passport application in flawless French. Ironically, the boy's mother survived her fall but was later found shot to death in the Disney parking lot, where muggers mistook her for a German tourist. Further developments as they occur.