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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (14734)	5/28/2000 12:28:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

>Remember those who have served their country this weekend! >~~~~~ > >The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air >Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of >perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's >no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated >officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay >you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army >pays its men to jump." > >"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant >replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump >out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch >about the salary."

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (14734)	6/17/2000 11:34:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there. The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What do you get when you cross an octupus and a Mexican? A. I don't know...but it sure can pick fruit! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Brunette: "How's your insomnia?" Blonde: "Even worse. Now I can't sleep at work." The doctor told the blonde she was iron deficient, soshe took up nail biting. What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? "Just flush it like everybody else does." What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape? A retarded ape. Why did the blonde quit her job as a restroom attendant? She couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer! Hear about the blonde explorer? Yeah, she bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert. Did you hear about the blonde bank robber? She tied up the safe and blew the guard! How can you tell a blonde from an ape? The ape peels the banana before eating it. How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse? She can make a patient without disturbing the bed. Why do blondes fear the middle age crisis? Middle aged is when the broad mind and the narrow waist exchange places. What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army? They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five. Why did the blonde cross the road? Forget about that, what the hell was she doing out of bed in the first place? Why do blondes flock around the Police sharpshooters? They heard sharpshooters have a reputation for being excellent crack shots. The horny blonde says, "Wanna play carnival? "That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight." Doctor: "Take one of these pills 3 times a day." Blonde Patient: "How do I take a pill more than once?" Doctor: "Is your cough better this morning?" Blonde Patient: "Yes. I've been practicing all night." Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread. How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash? She's the one on her bike. How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat? No spelling errors on her tattoo. What's the definition of a blonde? A life-support system for a vagina.