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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (14753)	6/17/2000 11:26:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop. He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over. He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please." The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?" The old man says, "No, Arthritis." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers, before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the 2nd nun..."a soap dispenser." To test her theory she also pulls his dick...and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells... "Look, hand cream!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you." The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies unable to restrain him, accompanied him into the bar, where, ignoring their pleading, he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."