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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (14755)	5/29/2000 11:48:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

<< Eighteen Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex > > 18- You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house. > > 17- If you are having trouble with golf, it's perfectly acceptable to > pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique. > > 16- The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf.. > > 15- If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you > don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you > become famous. > > 14- Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners > you've golfed with. > > 13- It's perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger. > > 12- When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty > about imagining the two of you golfing together. > > 11- If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object > if you golf with someone else. > > 10- Nobody will ever tell you that you can go blind if you golf by > yourself. > > 9- When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are > really an undercover cop. > > 8- You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to > buy golf stuff. > > 7- You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf > jokes and invite co-workers to golf with you without getting sued for > harassment. > > 6- There's no such thing as a golf transmitted disease. > > 5- If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to > subscribe to a premium cable channel. > > 4- Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the > rest of your life. > > 3- Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses > interest in the game. > > 2- You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for > the enjoyment of golf. > > 1- Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! > Is that all you ever think about?"

To: Edwarda who wrote (14755)	5/29/2000 11:51:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62567

More Miami Humour Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg, who is always a loser picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is mine middle name, leave it to me." Goldberg schleps over to the Meyerowitz apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Goldberg declares "Your husband just lost $500." She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" Goldberg says, "I'll tell him."

To: Edwarda who wrote (14755)	5/29/2000 11:54:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be > admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to > see if the guy is worthy. > > St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his > brow and says to the guy, 'You know, I can't see that you > ever did anything really bad in > your life, but you never did anything really good either. If > you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED-- you're in.' > > The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'Yeah, there was this > one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant > group of thugs assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my > car to see what was going on and sure enough, > there they were, about 50 of 'em harassing this terrified > young woman. > > Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of > my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy > with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his > nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the thugs > formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain > off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire > iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of > them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a > bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you > all a lesson in pain!'' > > St. Peter, impressed, says, 'Really? When did this happen?' > > 'Oh, about two minutes ago.'