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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14807)	6/1/2000 11:28:00 AM
From: Wooly	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62557

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME FUCKING CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN FUCKING YEARS. But if they did, by some fucking miracle, find the lightbulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME FUCKING SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID FUCKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF FUCKING GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS.. That's how many.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14807)	6/1/2000 4:03:00 PM
From: PMS Witch	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62557

I tell my husband if he doesn't believe that clothes make the man, consider how much influence naked people have in our society. Cheers, PW.

To: The Philosopher who wrote (14807)	6/1/2000 4:12:00 PM
From: Goalie	Respond to of 62557

What A Woman Wants In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover ------- What A Woman Wants In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) 1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant 4. Listens more than he talks 5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times 6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal 9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week ---------- What A Woman Wants In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42) 1. Not too ugly - bald head OK 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion 4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down 10. Shaves on most weekends -------- What A Woman Wants In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emotional 5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves on some weekends ---------- What A Woman Wants In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62) 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep) 5. Forgets why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers when... -------- What A Woman Wants In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72) 1. Breathing