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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (14889)	6/7/2000 3:53:00 PM
From: Mike 2.0	Respond to of 62543

Re:"Minimizing Caloric Intake by Situational Combinations" Also, broken Pepperidge Farm cookies are OK too, because the calories have escaped from the broken cookies. This is true with all varieties of bakery bread as well: date nut bread, blueberry bread, etc., once "broken" and allowed to breathe for a few moments. In fact, this is where the expression "to break bread together" came from: it is a gesture of friendship to break the bread apart, thus removing the calories, before serving it. And of course dieticians agree that anything eaten during a "coffee break" is calorie-free too. Especially if you "break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar" :-)

To: Barney who wrote (14889)	6/8/2000 2:45:00 AM
From: Edwarda	2 Recommendations Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62543

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it) A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the govt pay for this research??) Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew....?,Who cares) (now you know... Bet you still don't care) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (I didn't know dirt or scum had 31 flavors) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. (Creepy) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the....) ;-) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez) An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too) After reading all these, all I can say is...Damn Pigs