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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/8/2000 8:30:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Main squeeze into the trash...you have a very dark side! LOL Len

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/9/2000 8:22:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

A man asks his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She answers..... "I'd love to be ten again." So on the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and early and off they go to the local Theme Park. What a day! He puts her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear...everything there is! Wow! She staggers out of the Theme Park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right Into McDonald's they go, and her husband orders a Double Big Mac for her along with extra fries and a refreshing strawberry shake. Then off to a movie...it's the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbles home with her husband and collapses into bed. He leans over lovingly and asks, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opens and she groans, "Schmuck, I meant dress size."

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/9/2000 8:32:00 AM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 62549

What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men? Their ankles. What's one thing everybody sees in a blonde? A dick. What is a blonde's mating call? "I'm so drunk!" What is the ugly blonde's mating call? "I said, 'I'm so drunk!'" What is the brunette's mating call? "Are the blondes gone?" What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ? A blonde doing cartwheels. Why don't blondes in San Franscisco wear short black mini skirts? Cause their balls show! What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Gets dressed and goes home. Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means stop! How does a blonde prefer her eggs in the morning? Unfertilized. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747. What do a blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have little black boxes. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. Why is a blonde like a door knob? 'Cause everyone gets a turn. Why don't blondes like to wear hoop earrings? Because their feet keep getting caught. Why do blondes like to wear hoop earrings? To hold their ankles in. Why did the blonde have a bruised belly-button? Her boyfriend was blonde too. What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking. How do you give a blonde more headroom? Adjust the steering wheel. Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn. Why does a blonde wear panties? To keep her ankles warm. What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? The blonde has the higher sperm count. How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex? Opens the car door. What did the blind blonde say as she was making love with her new boyfriend? "Funny, you don't feel Jewish." Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together! What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They've never met. What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out? If you're not in bed by midnight, come home. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts. What's the first thing a blonde says after having sex? "Are all you guys on the same team?" What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"? "No. But I've been swung around by the tits." What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't whine when you pull your meat out of it. What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn't follow you around for three weeks after you dump your load into it. What do a blonde and a washing machine have in common? They both leak when they're fxxked.

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/17/2000 11:20:00 AM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62549

Edwarda, Nothing seems funny nor will will seem funny until you're better. You are very missed. Get well soon, Joe

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/17/2000 12:46:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Edwarda, I pray that you will be back shortly, bringing your usual warmth and humour . I miss you ! My prayers are with you, God bless you, Peter.

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/19/2000 2:34:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62549

RIP EDWARDA You will be extremely missed. Thanks for all the laughs. COL (crying out loud)

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	7/19/2000 1:24:17 AM
From: Neocon	Respond to of 62549

I have finally obtained the information I desired on the theater group Monica (Edwarda) supported: The Blue Heron Arts Center was started by one of Monica's professors from Finch, and Monica sat on the board and contributed financially. It has two theaters, a rehearsal facility, and an art gallery, and is the first off- off- Broadway theater to have been built in Manhattan in 20 years. The Center interacts with local schools, as well as maintaining a venue for new playwrights. It is located at 123 East 24th Street, New York, New York 10018. It is run by Adelle Striker and Gary Bernstein. We may wish to discuss pooling contributions, or send them individually, if there are others interested. I would like to solicit your thoughts on the matter. (If you do send something individually, please write a note to Dr. Striker and make sure you mention Monica). Since this has already taken up time, I will leave room for discussion for a week or two, depending upon response, and then we will either organize something or leave it to individuals.........

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	7/31/2000 11:49:34 AM
From: Neocon	Respond to of 62549

The push is on for the memorial to Edwarda/Monica. Anyone desiring more info can PM me.......

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	8/1/2000 8:52:46 AM
From: Neocon	Respond to of 62549

I have created a new site for updates on Monica's tribute: Subject 36477

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	6/19/2007 2:54:43 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

7 years and a day since your last post. Still miss you big time. RIP Queen of Laughter

To: Edwarda who wrote (14926)	5/22/2008 4:06:11 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Closing on 8 years sweet princess, I can't believe how fast the time goes by. Here's one of the last jokes you posted. A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him! ...But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"