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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Richnorth who wrote (15048)	6/18/2000 12:23:00 AM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

Christabel Pankhurst (1880 ? 1958) Miss Pankhurst?s Parliamentary Speech in 1912 This is an extract from a speech made in the House of Commons by Miss Pankhurst when she was asked that WOMEN be admitted as MEMBERS of PARLIAMENT. We want what men have. It may not be much, but we want it. (Loud Cheers) We will have it with or without friction, and if we can?t have it through our organizations, we will have it through our combination or without them, if necessary. (More loud cheers) Men say that women cannot grasp the potentialities of politics but women have made openings for the leading politicians and others. Many and varied will be the arguments against us. They have driven their most prominent points into us again. We refuse to be poked in the gallery (cheers from the gallery). We insist on being put on the floor of the house. Are we going to take it lying down? If not, we will take it with our backs to the wall. ( cheers and such feeling from the house). A drunken man says, "Down with the petticoats." But we say, "So down with the trousers and up with the petticoats": then we will see things as they really are. There is very little difference between men and women. (Voices from the gallery: "Three Cheers for the little difference!") Furthermore, we say that as long as we are split as we are, men will always get on top of us. (Loud cheers). They block us in the House of Commons; they block us here; they block us everywhere. We must change our positions. WE MUST GET ON TOP FOR A CHANGE.

To: Richnorth who wrote (15048)	6/18/2000 9:22:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

A Green Bay Packer fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Minnesota Viking fans?" The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke you Should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Viking fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Viking fan, and the guy sitting next to him is 6'5", 280 pounds and he's a Viking fan, too. Now, do you still wannatell that joke?" The Packer fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines. "When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and soak in a hot bath. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. Then I take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, we have sex. Almost immediately, the headache is gone. Try it and come back in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "It worked!" he exclaims. "I've had migraines for years, and no one's ever helped me before!" "Glad to help," says the doctor. "By the way," the patient adds, "you have a really nice house." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape for your age.. but tell me.. do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute .. I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered impatiently....... ."If I told you once I told you a thousand times... We have blue cross !!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Richnorth who wrote (15048)	6/18/2000 9:24:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

A man, named Gerry, asked his doctor if there was a test to help him determine if he was gay. The Doctor said "Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants." Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to say 55. The man said "55." The doctor then grabbed the man's penis and told him to say 55. Gerry said "55". The doctor then told the man to turn around, and putting a finger in the man's anus he once again told him to say 55. ..........Gerry said "1...2...3..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A wealthy stock trader from Wall Street stopped in at the local tattoo parlor in Key West, Florida and requested to have a one hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis. The heavily tattooed tattoo artist looked at the extremely well-dressed trader with a look of complete astonishment, and said, "I've had many strange requests in my time, but this one tops the list. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your wanker with the picture of a one hundred dollar bill?" The trader in his usual fashion, looked at the burly artist and told him this account. "There are three distinct reasons I want this done, and done immediately. One, I love to play with my money. Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow. Three, and this is the MOST IMPORTANT REASON OF ALL, the next time my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks, she won't have to leave home to do it!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: Richnorth who wrote (15048)	6/18/2000 9:27:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?" "I'm sick of sports, I'm sick of TV," she replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!" "OK, OK. So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are 3 flies in a jar 2 females and 1 male, the first female goes to the male fly and says "how do I get out of this jar?" The male fly says, "Give me a piece of ass and I will tell you." so she does and he says, "go to the bottom of the jar and fly to the top as hard as you can and the lid will pop off!" She did and splat she died. The other fly not seeing what happened says, "how do I get out of this jar?" The male fly says, "Give me a piece of ass and I will tell you."so she does and he says, "go to the bottom of the jar and fly to the top as hard as you can and the lid will pop off!" She did and splat, she dies. Then the male fly flies out of the jar. How did he get out?? .....give me a piece of ass and I'll tell you !!!!!!!!!