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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Richnorth who wrote (15059)	6/19/2000 8:11:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62568

A West Virginian walked into a pharmacy and asked the woman pharmacist if they carried birth control pills. The pharmacist informed the man that they did, but also told him they were for women. The man acknowleged that he knew that, that they were for his twelve year old daughter. The pharmacist asked, "Is your daughter sexually active?' The man thought for a moment and responded, "No, she just lays there like her mother." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,"Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even thathurts", she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the couch and watch TV."

To: Richnorth who wrote (15059)	6/19/2000 8:13:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62568

A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby. Since his buddies talked about sailing, he thought he'd give it a go. He went to the local boat show and asked a lot of questions. Everything seemed to be going well when he said, "How do you dock the boat?" The salesman replied, "Well, you really don't dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a float just beyond the dock. This way you don't bang up the finish on the craft." "Well then," the lawyer asked, "How do you get out to the sailboat?" "Good question." The salesman told him that you can get a small raft and paddle out to the boat, or just walk out to the boat, if you don't mind getting wet. "Oh, I get it," the lawyer replied. "It's Row vs Wade." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage. "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer. "Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have a different one in mind for you." They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage. "Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier." "Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you." The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men's approach. "This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner. The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn't even act like an attack dog." "I know he appears tame now," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Question: When are men at their smartest? Answer: It's during sex because they are plugged into a damn "know it all."