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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (15087)	6/21/2000 4:24:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 62567

Life Science Final Exam The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers. ================================================================= MOMMY GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?" Sad and broken up she looked at me and said "Mommy, where's my booger?"

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (15087)	6/21/2000 5:29:00 PM
From: Ian@SI	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62567

At the base of the hill on the street called Cotes Des Neiges (Snow Hill for you blokes) in Montreal is a drugstore known as the Cotes Des Neiges Pharmacy. ... or at least it was there during the 60s. One December, a hearse got into an accident at the top of the hill. The back door popped open and out went the coffin, sliding all the way down the hill, through the front door of the Cotes Des Neiges Pharmacy, slid through to the back of the store where it hit the dispensary. The lid popped off, the coffin stood up on end. The Pharmacist was eye to eye with the corpse, who asked, "Have you got anything to stop this coffin?"

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (15087)	6/21/2000 9:19:00 PM
From: Miguel M. de la O	Respond to of 62567

Fidel Castro dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St. Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My God! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (15087)	6/21/2000 9:39:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

A big time goaner-but good.

To: Calvin Scott who wrote (15087)	6/21/2000 9:41:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Abby, I've been going out with this girl for a couple of weeks now, I really like her and want to take the relationship to the next level. I have one problem though. On our first date she told me she was sick, but I can't remember if she said she had TB or VD. What should I do? - Lovelorn, Portland, OR Dear Lovelorn: If she coughs, fuck her.