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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (15134)	6/24/2000 2:50:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

Subject: Trade Dimensions For those of you who may have "served," take heed! Thanks The General's Measurements The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet, he walked out with a check of $720,000. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet, he walked out with a check for $960,000. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?" The general replied, "In Vietnam."

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (15134)	6/24/2000 6:58:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

Q. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: What do you call a basement full of women ? A: A whine cellar. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse. After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours. Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He panicked, wondering what to tell his wife. After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!" "Hell," she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look what he did to my tits!"