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To: Savant who wrote (3981)	6/24/2000 6:41:00 PM
From: Apex	Respond to of 4201

...oh man, you have me pi$$ing my pants while ROTFLMAO cheers apex

To: Savant who wrote (3981)	6/24/2000 6:42:00 PM
From: Apex	Respond to of 4201

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his bedside light to read a book. As he was reading, he paused, reached over and started fondling his wife's muffin. He did this only for a short while. Then he resumed reading his book. He did this several times and his wife became gradually more aroused. She thought her husband was seeking some sort of response as an encouragement to go further. She got up, and stripped in front of him. The husband was confused by this behavior. He asked +What are you doing, why are you taking off your night shirt.+ The wife replied, +You were fingering me, I thought it was foreplay and that you wanted to make love tonight.+ The husband replied, +No, not at all.+ The wife said, +Then what the hell were you doing?+ The husband said, +I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.+

To: Savant who wrote (3981)	7/3/2000 9:39:42 PM
From: Apex	Respond to of 4201

...where da heck is everyone? found on a stock site Things that sound dirty, except at Christmas Whew, that's one terrific spread! I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. Talk about a huge breast! It's Cool Whip time! If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! Are you ready for seconds yet? Are you going to come again next time? It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? Just wait your turn, you'll get some! Don't play with your meat. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? I didn't expect everyone to come at once! You still have a little bit on your chin. Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it. How long will it take after you stick it in? You'll know it's ready when it pops up. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that! How many are coming? That's the biggest one I've ever seen! Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest. How long do I beat it before it's ready? Let's do it in the Dining room

To: Savant who wrote (3981)	7/3/2000 9:43:05 PM
From: Apex	Respond to of 4201

...found this as well: This is so f'in funny. F##K:Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word f##k. It is the magical word which,just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language , f##k falls into many Grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb both transitive (John f##ked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was F##ked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a f##k), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a f##k), and adverb (Mary is f##king interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific f##k). It can also be used as an interjection (F##k! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, f##k she's also stupid). As you can see there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word f##k. Aside from its sekksual connotations, this word can be used to describe many situations: 1)Greetings...................How the f##k are ya? 2)Fraud.......................I got f##ked by the car dealer, 3)Resignation.................Oh, f##k it! 4)Trouble.....................I guess I'm f##ked now, 5)Agression...................F##K YOU! 6)Disgust.....................F##k me. 7) Confusion................... What tha f##k....? 8)Displeasure.................F##king shhhit man... 9)Lost........................where the f##k are we? 10)Disbelief...................UNF##KINGBELIEVABLE!! 11)Retaliation.............Up your f##king @ss! 12)Apathy.................Who really gives a f##k? 13)Suspicion.............Who the f##k are you? 14)Directions..............F##k off. it can be maternal................MOTHERF##KER!! It can be used to tell time....... It's four f##king twenty! It can be used as an anatomical description.............He's a f##king @sshole. Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history: What the f##k was that? ~Mayor of Hiroshema~ Thats not a real f##king gun. ~John Lennon~ Where the f##k is all this water coming from? ~Captain of the Titanic~ Who the f##k is gonna find out? ~Richard Nixon~ Heads are gonna f##king roll. ~Anne Boleyn~ Any f##king idiot could answer that. ~Albert Einstein~ It does so f##king look like her! ~Picasso~ You want what on the f##king ceiling? ~Michaelangelo~ F##k a duck. ~Walt Disney~ Houston we Have a big f##king problem. ~tha crew of Apollo13~

To: Savant who wrote (3981)	7/3/2000 9:46:14 PM
From: Apex	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4201

...and one more USEFUL BITS OF INFORMATION TO HELP YOU THROUGH THE DAY If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!) If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (Don't think I will test this one) A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And, why isn't the pig included in this list?) On average people fear spiders more than they do death. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated (From drinking little bottles of...? Who pays for this research??) Polar bears are left-handed. (Who knew? Who cares!) A flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....") Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, jeez!) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too!) Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the ba$tard in the head.