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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tomato who wrote (15141)	6/24/2000 2:46:00 PM
From: James Lough	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

I like those definitions - republican / democrat etc. Here's 2 more The definition of a conservative. Someone who is walking along the shore and sees a drowning man 200 feet from shore. He goes and gets some line and throws out 100 feet while encouraging him to swim the other 100 feet so as to improve his character. Liberal. Someone who is walking along the shore and sees a drowning man 100 feet from shore. He throws out 200 feet of line then lets go of his end so as to move and do another good deed.

To: Tomato who wrote (15141)	6/24/2000 7:07:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

This guy is flying down the road and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls him over. The cop walks up to the guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?" The guy says, "I'm late for work." "What do you do?" The guy responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?" The guy says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" "Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge.." ------------------------------------------------------------ A policeman pulls a man over: "Sir, I noticed that your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" "Officer, I noticed that your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"