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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (15244)	7/5/2000 9:23:09 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

Excercise credos for cynics: The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

To: Jacques Chitte who wrote (15244)	7/5/2000 11:31:06 PM
From: E	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

In precisely the same spirit: Subject: God's Creations > > >> >> Subject: God's Creations > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > In the beginning God created Eve. And she had three > > > >> >> > breasts. After > > > >> >> > three weeks in the garden, God came to visit > > > >> >> > Eve. "How's things, Eve?" > > > >> >> > He asked. > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The > > > >> >> > sunrises and sunsets are > > > >> >> > breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is > > > >> >> > wonderful ... but I > > > >> >> > just have this one problem. It's these three breasts > > > >> >> > you've given me. > > > >> >> > The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am > > > >> >> > constantly knocking them > > > >> >> > with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them > > > >> >> > on bushes, > > > >> >> > they're a real pain," reported Eve. > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > "That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first > > > >> >> > shot at this, > > > >> >> > you know. I gave the animals what, six? So I just > > > >> >> > figured you'd need > > > >> >> > half, but I see that you are right. I'll fix that up > > > >> >> > right away!" So, > > > >> >> > God reaches down and rips the middle breast right off, and tosses it into > > > >> >> > the bushes. > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in > > > >> >> > the garden. > > > >> >> > "Well, Eve, how's my favorite creation?" He asked. > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > "Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small > > > >> >> > oversight on your > > > >> >> > part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe > > > >> >> > has her ram, > > > >> >> > the cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, > > > >> >> > except me. I feel so > > > >> >> > alone." > > > >> >> > > > > >> >> > God thought for a moment. "You know, Eve, you're right. > > > >> >> > How could I > > > >> >> > have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will > > > >> >> > immediately create > > > >> >> > Man from a part of you! Now, let's see ... where did I > > > >> >> > leave that > > > >> >> > useless boob?"