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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (15299)	7/12/2000 12:36:10 AM
From: Susan G	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. >From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a free trip to Europe, and in return, he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (15299)	7/20/2000 8:00:08 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62567

The old pro was bored early on and had already been into the cooler in the pro shop, when suddenly a young lady ran in screaming, "I was stung by a bee!" "Where," the bleary-eyed pro asked? "Between the first and second holes," replied the frantic young blonde. To which the tipsy pro replied,"I told you yesterday that your stance was too wide." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was OK to have sex during her pregnancy. He told them that during the first trimester they could do it normal-style. During the second trimester they should do it doggie-style and during the third trimester they would be limited to wolf-style. "Wolf-style?" queried the husband, "What's that?" "That's when you lie next to the hole and howl!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."