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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: EddieMacG who wrote (15398)	7/24/2000 12:05:48 AM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

Subject: FW: the outhouse The service station trade was slow The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet-red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log - jumped the stream The owner gave a shout, As her silk stockings, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell - got up, and then In obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised, To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set And then the devilish tyke Would stop his whittling long enough, To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear, "Will you please use the other hole, We're painting under here!"

To: EddieMacG who wrote (15398)	7/24/2000 8:09:13 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

A few years ago a group of tree-huggers was presenting an alternative to the ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, then castrate the males, then let them loose again, and then the population would be controlled. I, kid you not, this was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's association. Well, all the ranchers thought about this amazing idea. Finally, a old boy in the back stood up, kicked his hat back and said: "Son, I don' think you understand the problem. These coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep, they're eating them!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For Michael's birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After some careful consideration she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles. Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work. He walks through the kitchen, places his lunchbox down, and hears his wife say, "Honey! I'm in the living room." Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic. After a quick peek, he immediately he says, "Leftovers again!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young doctor just out of medical school announced to his wife that he planned to specialize in gynecology. When she asked him why he chose gynecology, he said simply, "There's lots of openings." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bumper Sticker: "Jesus is my co-pilot and we're cruisin' for pussy." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------