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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: virtualinvestor who wrote (15418)	7/25/2000 7:04:55 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62556

Subject: Golf is better than sex 18 Reasons Why Golf is Better than Sex 1. You don't have to sneak golf magazines into the house 2. If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique 3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about golf 4. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you become famous. 5. Your partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with 6. It is perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger 7. When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together 8. If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else 9. Nobody will ever tell you that you can go blind if you golf by yourself 10. When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop 11. You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborood to buy golf stuff 12. You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes, invite co-workers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment 13. There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease 14. If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel 15. Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life 16. Nobody expects you to gve up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game 17. You don't have to be newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf 18. Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"

To: virtualinvestor who wrote (15418)	7/25/2000 8:55:27 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62556

Dear Abby, I've been going out with this girl for a couple of weeks now and I really like her and want to take the relationship to the next level. I have one problem though. On our first date she told me she was sick, but I can't remember if she said she had TB or VD. What should I do? Lovelorn, Portland, OR Dear Lovelorn: If she coughs a-lot, screw her. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die." Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!" The man replied, "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said, "No, I don't suck!" And with that, the man let go of her. "Shit!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor. "Thank God!" she screamed. "I would have died if it weren't for you!" The man asked, "Do you fuck?" Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, "No, I don't fuck!" Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, "I suck! I fuck!" "Slut," the man said, and dropped her.

To: virtualinvestor who wrote (15418)	7/26/2000 8:24:55 AM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62556

A blonde's car broke down on the Interstate one day,so she eased it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully stepped out of the car and opened the trunk. Out jumped two naked men in trench coats who stood at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. They began opening and closing their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of that highway occured. It was not very long before a police car showed up. The cop, clearly enraged, ran toward the blonde in the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," said the lady calmly. Well, what are these perverts doing there in the road?!"asked the cop. And she said..... "Those are my emergency flashers!"