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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stevefoder who wrote (15465)	7/29/2000 10:30:51 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 62550

some things to think about (1) There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it? (2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? (3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? (4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? (5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside? (6) In some liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? (7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them. (8) There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them? (9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?" (10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six. (11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it? (12) Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "s." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . For those of you who may not know everything, here are the answers: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ANSWERS TO QUIZ (1) Boxing. (2) Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about 2 and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. (3) Asparagus and rhubarb. (4) Baseball. (5) Strawberry. (6) The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. (7) Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle. (8) Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. (9) In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west. (10) Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner (11) Lettuce. (12) Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings.

To: Stevefoder who wrote (15465)	7/29/2000 5:57:46 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62550

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time...she's lying on her back with her feet in the stirrups when the doctor comes in. He lifts up the sheet and recoils in shock. "My goodness", he says, "You have a HUGE pussy!" She's upset, of course, and runs home in tears...Then she starts to think - this guy would know, right? After all, he is a doctor. Now she's curious, so she puts a mirror on the floor, strips from the waist down, and stands over the mirror so she can check it out. Just then her husband comes home. "What the hell are you doing?" he asks. She's embarrassed to say, so she sways her hips a little and says, "Oh, I'm just dancing..." He says "Better watch out... You'll fall in that big fucking hole in the floor" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks. One gets a curious look on his face and asks, "Hey, Pete, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?" "Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years."