Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jgibbs who wrote (15520)	8/2/2000 12:39:49 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62549

Reading on Vacation "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"

To: jgibbs who wrote (15520)	8/2/2000 8:02:07 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Emma was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent > over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that > she would just kill herself and join him in death. > Thinking that it would be best to get it over with > quickly, she took out Earl's > old army pistol and made the decision > to shoot herself in the heart since it was already > so badly broken in the first place. > Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a > vegetable and a burden to someone, she called > her doctor to inquire as to just > exactly where the heart would be. > "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart > would be just below your left breast." > Later that night, Emma was admitted to the hospital > with a gunshot wound to the knee.

To: jgibbs who wrote (15520)	8/2/2000 12:27:51 PM
From: Wooly	Respond to of 62549

A man always dreamed of owning a Harley-Davidson. One day he finally saved up enough money to go to the dealer and choose the perfect bike. The dealer tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and apply it to the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves. A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and to meet her parents over dinner. He readily accepts. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break the silence and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he slips his hand under her blouse and fondles her breasts. Still no one says a word. Finally, he throws her on the table and makes passionate love to her in front of everyone. Complete silence. Now desperate, he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table. They have even wilder sex. Still no one speaks. By now he is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he gets his jacket, reaches in and pulls out the jar of Vaseline. The father says, "Okay, dammit ... I'll do the dishes!"