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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (15616)	8/9/2000 9:41:41 AM
From: Ga Peach	Respond to of 62549

Very funny, Rudi!!! Does this sound familiar to anyone?! THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME: 1. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." 2. My mother taught me about RECEIVING... "You are going to get it when we get home." 3. My mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 5. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... > "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." > 6. My mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... > "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." > 7. My mother taught me ESP... > "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" 8. My mother taught me HUMOR... > "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 9. My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... > "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." > 10. My mother taught me GENETICS... > "You're just like your father." > 11. My mother taught me about my ROOTS... > "Do you think you were born in a barn?" > 12. My mother taught me WISDOM OF AGE... > "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." > 13. My mother taught me about SEX... > "How do you think you got here?" > 14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... > "One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you... Then you'll see what its like." >

To: sandintoes who wrote (15616)	8/9/2000 1:52:57 PM
From: Susan G	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

We noticed that all the waiters in this New York restaurant carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Naturally, we were curious. We asked a waiter why. "As a result of an efficiency study by the management, it was determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item was a spoon. Therefore, all the waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced." As he was explaining that we noticed a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. So, we asked about that. "Sir, that's another efficiency study result. When we have to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands." We replied, "I understand how you can get yourself out and aim, but how do you get yourself back in?" "Well," replied the waiter, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the two spoons!"