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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: epicure who wrote (54548)	8/14/2000 4:37:19 PM
From: JF Quinnelly	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

The Story of the Ant & the Grasshopper ORIGINAL VERSION: The ant works to exhaustion in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up food and supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool. He laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well-fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his warm, comfortable home with table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with "green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News. They tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's." Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-greenism Act", retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursdays between 1:30 PM and 3:00 PM when there are no talk shows scheduled. The Rev. Jesse Jackson calls a press conference to note that his Rainbow Coalition includes "green" equality but denies that Al "Simple Green" Gore invented the color green. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food, while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. Not a problem, as the bug has been encouraged to apply for an SBA (Small Bug Administration) loan. The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.

To: epicure who wrote (54548)	8/15/2000 7:15:51 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 71178

Now THAT is a funny joke. And it's a side of your mom you hadn't told us about. The other night, we were channel hopping and I think it was on PBS maybe, anyway there was the guy who wrote Men are From Mars. Ammo started complaining loudly but I said it was important that he learn these things NOW, not 20 years from now when it's too late. So the guy was saying how during their home renovation, he really tried hard to be supportive because women and men see home renovation totally opposite. Guys see the future-- "oh boy! Soon we will have a new kitchen! Den! Whatever!" and women just see a mess that drives them insane. (Well, duh, buddy. Just who's IN the mess trying to cook dinner for four months while you go to your nice clean office?) Anyway, he's doing the dishes every night and cleaning the kitchen to show his support, and feeling like a great husband, and at the end, during the last week, she gets all upset and cries, and he says, "What's wrong?" and she says, "You just haven't been very supportive! Sniff Sniff." And he says, "Gee, Honey, I've done the dishes every night and cleaned the kitchen and tried really hard!" And SHE says, "But you never sent flowers." He then tells the guys out in TVland--"Guys! Dishes or flowers? ALWAYS send flowers." Excuse me? Was this an official poll? Becuase I want the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned, thank you. All I can say about his wife who is not only getting her home renovated, but has had her kitchen cleaned every night, is, what a bitch! I'm railing on, and Ammo said, Can I change the channel now? ANd Dan said, Please do, so we watched Shark Week. Last night, though, we had Ammo's drama teachers for dinner and another couple and their (very lovely) daughter over to plan the new theatre organization for parents (TOPS!) which Sherill and I have decided to start, and when we finished talking at the table, Dan and Sherill's husband had already done all the dishes!! My husband understands that I am not really from Venus, but somewhere else althogether..