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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (16002)	9/5/2000 1:13:40 AM
From: sandintoes	Respond to of 62558

The Top 15 Excuses Given by Firestone 15. Thought Ralph Nader was too busy being Mr. Thinks-He-Can-Be-President to notice. 14. Traditional wear-and-tear tests were replaced with "roll Beavis and Butthead down the hill" test. 13. "Those tires were designed to be inflated only with Cheez Whiz!" 12. "Years of working for Nike has softened up the third-world labor force. You just can't get nine-year-olds to listen these days, can you?" 11. Handwritten order misinterpreted as "tree swing" tires, not "driving" tires. 10. "Marketing told us that exploding tires were a HUGE hit in the key '9 to 13 year old male' demographic." 9. "We shouldn't have gone with that cheap air from Taiwan. Our bad." 8. "It was a sincere but misguided effort to recreate for everyday commuters the fiery excitement of NASCAR crashes." 7. "Look! Over there! OPEC is raising fuel prices again!!" 6. "No, over THERE!! Somebody just put something in that bottle of Tylenol!!!" 5. "Okay, so we made some shoddy tires! At least we're not selling heroin to school children like some blimp-driving bastards we know." 4. That batch of tires were mistakenly "ribbed for her pleasure." 3. "'Operation Philip Morris' was proceeding nicely, but we accidentally started killing customers before the lobbyists were in place." 2. April 2, 1998: Firestone's CEO cut off by a Ford Explorer on the way to work. and The Number 1 Excuse Given by Firestone... 1. Too busy developing new "fragile porcelain brakepads" to notice.