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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susan G who wrote (16040)	9/7/2000 2:40:00 PM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62549

Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Firestone Tires: 10. "Safer than a Russian sub." 9. "The perfect gift for your mother-in-law." 8. "Because there's a lot riding on your lawsuit." 7. "Better than driving around on your axles, right?" 6. "Pop a set on your car today." 5. "C'mon, did you really expect good tires on a new Ford?" 4. "Reinforcing the importance of the speed limit." 3. "Hey, it's not like we crashed our blimp or something." 2. "Best Blow Job In Town' 1. "You can't recall a better tire."

To: Susan G who wrote (16040)	9/7/2000 3:53:44 PM
From: levy	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

If Dr. Seuss had been President Clinton's lawyer, his deposition might have read something like this: I did not do it in a car I did not do it in a bar I did not do it in the dark I did not do it in the park I did not do it on a date I did not ever fornicate I did not do it at a dance I did not do it in her pants I did not get beyond first base I did not do it in her face I never did it in a bed If you think that, you've been misled I did not do it with a groan I did not do it on the phone I did not cause her dress to stain While talking to Saddam Hussein I did not do it with a whip I did not fondle Linda Tripp I never acted really silly With volunteers like Kathleen Willey There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher I chased her round, but could not catch her No kinky stuff, not on your life I would not, could not, with my wife Now, that Miss Flowers' tale of woes Was paid for by my right-wing foes And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers Are just a bunch of party poopers I did not ask my friends to lie And then just hang them out to dry I did not do it last November And if I did, I don't remember I did not do it in the hall I could have, but I don't recall There was no sex at Arlington There was no sex on Air Force One I might have copped a little feel And then endeavored to conceal But never did these things so lewd At least not ever in the nude These things to which I have confessed They do not count if we stayed dressed I never used that big cigar You must believe me, Mr. Starr I did not know this little sin Would be retold on CNN I broke some rules my mama taught me I tried to hide, but now you've caught me But I implore, I do beseech Do not condemn, Do not impeach I might have got a little tail But never, ever did inhale