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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (16084)	9/8/2000 4:42:05 PM
From: Satish C. Shah	Respond to of 62552

Thanks. I liked both of them.

To: The Rabbit who wrote (16084)	9/8/2000 5:18:18 PM
From: 2MAR$	Respond to of 62552

What did Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Clinton have in common? They can't get no respect! bozoland.com Rodney Dangerfieldisms.... 1. A girl phoned me the other day and said... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. 2. If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. 3. And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy... I'd have nothing to play with. 4. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. 5. One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy... "Hey buddy... why are you doing that for?" He said... "Because you came home early." 6. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. 7. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. 8. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. 9. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. 10. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. 11. When I was born... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father... "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through, anyway." 12. My mother had morning sickness after I was born. 13. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. 14. Once when I was lost... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said... "I don't know kid... there are so many places they can hide." 16. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. 17. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get. 18. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." 19. My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him... "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said... "Alright... you're ugly too!" 21. I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. 22. My wife can't cook!, when we go on picnics, I bring TUMS for the ants! 23. My wife can't cook! I left a piece of floss in the sink, two roaches hung themselves! 24. My wife can't cook! I picked up the steak, it still had marks on it where the jockey was hittin it! 25. My wife can't cook! We pray AFTER we eat!