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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (16193)	9/19/2000 9:24:56 AM
From: MrsNose	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62548

> MOM'S BROWNIE RECIPE > > Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. > Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. > Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy "no, no." > Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. > Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards. > Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. > Take shortening can away from Billy again and bathe cat. > Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing > shortening from cat's tail. > Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. > Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for > ventilation. > Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was > mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from > bill. > Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. > Let cat out of refrigerator. > Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. > > Bake 25 minutes. > > Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no > idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time > and he's still able to run away. > > Frosting > -------- > Mix the following in saucepan: > 1 cup sugar > 2 oz unsweetened chocolate > 1/4 cup margarine > > Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far > away. > > Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know > Billy had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Billy > in playpen. > > Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 > minutes. > > Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose > in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. > > Tie Billy to clothesline. > > Remove burned brownies from oven.

To: Barney who wrote (16193)	9/26/2000 12:51:06 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62548

History of Giving the Finger The French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of captured English. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew"). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird". And yew thought yew knew everything.