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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (16233)	9/21/2000 11:46:04 AM
From: Mike 2.0	Respond to of 62549

Signs a Presidential Candidate Is Not the Right Guy Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing." His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy." Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares. When anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?" At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna make somethin' out of it?!?" And on the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE. The good news is: He doesn't say the same thing that Perot's running mate Stockdale said in '92: "Who am I? Why am I here?" The Bad news: That's only because he's too afraid to ask. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all. Kicks off his appearance on Oprah with a dumb blonde joke. When asked about his China policy, he says he is pro-Crab Rangoon but opposes Egg Foo Young. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win! I win!!"

To: Barney who wrote (16233)	9/21/2000 11:51:59 AM
From: Mike 2.0	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

After watching sales fall off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor. The Pope says, "What can I do?" The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'!" This time the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many, ah, charities, shall we say. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican!" After a long pause, the Pope replies, "Let me get back to you." So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican!" The bishops rejoice at the news. Then a inquisitive bishop asks, "Pardon me your Excellency, but what is the bad news?" The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"