>> > Subject: Engineer humor
>> >
>> > Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
>> > "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well,
>>I
>> > was walking along yesterday, minding my own business when a beautiful
>>woman
>> > rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
>> > clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded
>> > approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
>> > To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>> > To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
>> > To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
>> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
>> > particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
>> > guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
>> > don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"The pastor said, "Hey,
>>here
>> > comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi
>> > George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
>>aren't
>> > they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
>> > firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
>> > year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
>>for
>> > a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
>> > prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
>> > contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
>> > can do for them. The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
>> > There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
>> > mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
>>happily
>> > retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
>>seemingly
>> > impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
>> > machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine
>>to
>> > work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
>> > who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
>> >
>> > The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
>> > huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
>> > particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your
>>problem
>> > is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
>> >
>> > The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
>> > They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer
>> > responded briefly: One chalk mark, $1.00. Knowing where to put it,
>> > $49,999. He was paid in full and then he retired again in peace.
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
>> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
>> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
>> > The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>> > The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
>>that?"
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
>> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
>> > designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
>> > Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
>> > engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
>>connections."
>> > The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
>>toxic
>> > waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
>> > "Normal" people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>> > Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
>> > yet."
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
>> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
>> > better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
>> > enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
>> > relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
>>of
>> > the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
>> > "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
>> > assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
>>lab
>> > and get some work done."
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
>> > An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
>> > said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over,
>> > picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
>> > said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
>> > stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
>> > smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
>>you
>> > kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
>>ANYTHING
>> > you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
>> > back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "Look. What is the matter?
>> > I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
>> > and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look
>> > I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
>>now
>> > that's cool!" |
