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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nazbuster who wrote (16251)	9/22/2000 9:30:23 PM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62558

some repeats here, but several are new (to me at least). +++++++++++ > Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the > only thing in life!! > --Anonymous > > An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she > gets the more interested he is in her. > --Agatha Christie > > Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should > be happier than others. > --Oscar Wilde > > Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. > --Scottish Proverb > > I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. > --Sam Kinison > > A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your > wife will give you for free. > --Anonymous > > Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd > be married too. > --H. L. Mencken > > Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for > another thing, they die earlier. > --H. L. Mencken > > Why do most married men die before their wives ? Because they want to! > > Marriage is a three ring circus: > --engagement ring > ---wedding ring > ---suffering > > When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year > married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. > > Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. > > When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of > one thing: either the car is new or the wife. > > I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. > > I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She > said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the > kitchen?" > > We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. > > My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the > estimate. > She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. > > A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and > started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another > man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound > intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have > to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to > interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is > more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A > child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then > replied, "My wife's first husband."

To: Nazbuster who wrote (16251)	9/22/2000 9:51:20 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Quotations from women about women....... The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73) I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" -Linda Ellerbee Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. -Geri Jewell A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Brombeck Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss...and they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee. -Stephanie Piro Behind every successful woman...... is a basket of dirty laundry. -Sally Forth