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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (16505)	10/20/2000 10:55:51 PM
From: Gordon A. Langston	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

posted 10-20-2000 22:47 >For your reading humor: > >THESE QUOTES WERE REPORTEDLY TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE >EVALUATIONS: > >1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has >started to dig." > >2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." > >3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a >definite won't be." > >4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a >trap." > >5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." > >6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." > >7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." > >8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve >them." > >9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." > >10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." > >11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all >together." > >12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." > >13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." > >14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." > >15. "He's been working with glue too much." > >16. "He would argue with a signpost." > >17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." > >18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." > >19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." > >20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." > >21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection." > >22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." > >23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." > >24. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it." > >25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." > >26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." > >27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." > >28. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." > >29. "One neuron short of a synapse." > >30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." > >31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes." > >32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."