Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (16817)	11/7/2000 2:05:03 PM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

Contradictions galore!!! Only In America... A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business. We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off. We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour. We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner". We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time. We whip an enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs. We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm. We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes. We're supposed to be the most civilized nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car. We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces. We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

To: The Rabbit who wrote (16817)	11/7/2000 2:08:08 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Respond to of 62592

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez names his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You're Employee of the Month at the local coffeehouse...and you don't work there. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. You don't need a hammer to pound nails. You don't sweat, you percolate. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. Instant coffee takes too long. You want to be cremated just so your remains will fit in a coffee can. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running. You short out motion detectors. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. You don't tan, you roast. You help your dog chase its tail.