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To: warawls who wrote (17219)	12/8/2000 2:34:02 PM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

> Subject: FW: holiday food tips > > > I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced > frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out > with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through > the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. > > You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating > do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie > sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable > sticks, they say. > > Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a > carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was > something you left for Rudolph. > > I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you > follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't > make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway. > > 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots > on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In > fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where > they're serving rum balls. > > 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine > single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer > than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but > now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every > sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or > something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. > It's later than you think. It's Christmas! > > 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point > of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano > out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. > Repeat. . > > 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim > milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying > a sports car with an automatic transmission. > > 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to > control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas > party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? > Remember college? > > 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and > New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing > else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after > circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food > and that vat of eggnog. > > 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like > frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position > yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can > before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful > pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to > see them again. > > 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of > each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one > pumpkin. Aways have three. When else do you get to have > more than one dessert? Labor Day? > > 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the > mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, > have some standards, mate. > > 10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave > the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying > attention. Reread tips. Start over. > > But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner ! Enjoy now and > Happy > Holidays ! >