Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (17306)	12/13/2000 9:54:33 AM
From: Ian@SI	Respond to of 62550

Relationships - before and after... >>>Before she moves in, she wears teddies and suspenders, and you hold >>>your farts in until she leaves the room; she's a gorgeous sex kitten >>>and you tell her so; you're so sweet and adorable, and blowjobs >>>follow ambient dinners like a fine port. >>> >>>After she moves in, she farts in her grungy trackie bottoms while >>>hypnotized by Coronation Street; you scratch your nuts unashamedly >>>and bitch about work; oral sex is strictly quid pro quo and the new >>>girl in the office really does have a great ass. Here are the key >>>indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished. >>> >>>1. Addictions >>>Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot >>>day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but >>>those days are well and truly over. >>> >>>After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out >>>your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and >>>expect her to accept that you're just being you. >>> >>>2. Bodily functions >>>Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl >>>to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence. >>> >>>After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, >>>commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the >>>resultant odor. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in >>>bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious. >>> >>>3. Relations/Friends >>>Before: Her auntie Jane is a real character with a lively personality >>>and interesting views about politics, and her unemployed girlfriend >>>Amanda is a genuine, charming supportive friend who you think is >>>really nice. >>> >>>After: Auntie Jane is a loud-mouthed, pain-in-the-ass with all the >>>personality of a cold sore. Amanda is a manipulative loser, but you >>>wouldn't mind doing her if the opportunity arose. >>> >>>4. Sex >>>Before: Sex is a sweat-soaked, gymnastic romp that lasts for hours. >>>You screw to impress, using all your tricks - your renowned tit >>>grope, marathon oral sex sessions, and jackhammer-like screwing. >>>Screwing four times a day is not uncommon. >>> >>>After: A wank is often preferable to the effort of sex. When you do >>>have sex, you think about Amanda. >>> >>>5. Attention span >>>Before: Her words are hypnotic; her wit is incisive; her anecdotes >>>about her life pre-you are spellbinding. Over candlelight and coffee >>>you listen with interest and politely chortle as she recounts stories >>>of her childhood. >>> >>>After: Your eyes glaze over as soon as she mentions anything that >>>doesn't involve you. What's more, you develop the uncanny ability to >>>be able to concentrate on the T.V and listen to her at the same time. >>>The phrase, "Are you listening to me?" becomes an evening mantra. >>>Overall Evaluation >>> >>>6. What She Thinks >>>Before: She thinks you are witty, disciplined, a sexual athlete, >>>attentive, loving, faithful and devoid of all crass male habits which >>>have plagued her previous relationships .....but she suspects that >>>you're full of shit. >>> >>>After: She KNOWS you're full of shit!!!