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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Guardian who wrote (17319)	12/13/2000 2:34:20 PM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

>Subject: The Speech Al Gore would LIKE to make > > > > >My Fellow Americans, > >You suck. How could you elect some sauced-up Texas cow-puncher >to the highest office in the land over me? I'm more experienced >than Bush, I'm a better statesman, I've done more for this >country, hell, I'm even better looking than that pasty-faced >mamma's boy. Not to mention the most important advantage, I'm >not from Texas. They say only queers and steers come from >Texas. How is it going to look to visiting dignitaries when >they see a pair of longhorns on the hood of the presidential >limousine? > >The man is a lush, folks. Do you really want some boozer >throwing keggers at the White House and cruising around D.C. >half in the bag and running into lightpoles? Well, that's what >you're going to get. And I'll tell you something else. Bush >has got a small dick. It's true. Laura told me. That's right, >Dubya, I banged her. I banged her like a screen door. What do >you think about that? > >I deserve this presidency, damn it. I earned it. I didn't spend >eight years kissing Bill Clinton's doughy, white ass and tucking >China men into the Lincoln bedroom just so I could go back to >divinity school. Where's my reward? Where are MY bj's? Do >you know I haven't had oral sex since 1993? It's no Mardi Gras >curling up next to the Prozac princess every night and interns >don't do favors for the V.P. Those are the kind of sacrifices >I've made for this country. And what do I get in return? >"Thanks a lot Al. You can go back to Tennessee now." Well, no >thank you M'am. > >A Democratic administration wasn't so bad. Look at everything >we've accomplished: we had a few laughs, we had a war, we >balanced the budget, we almost had an impeachment, in my book that's good >politics. Do you really want to go back to a Republican White House? Well, >you can read my lips, you morons >are all f**ing insane. Nobody in their right mind would elect >Bush. So I want a re-vote, damn it. I want those booths set >up again, and I want a new ballot designed. One with a >hole right next to my damned name. And this time everybody can >get it right. > >Thank you. (if I win this time)