Leigh,
Parenting in the year 2001.....
As much as I enjoy parenting, sometimes it is really tough. Today was one of those days. Not that the children were bad or anything like that. It was a tough day cause as a parent I had to make a tough decision. One that I knew my 12 year old daughter wasn't going to be happy about.
It all started about two weeks before Christmas when my son had joined the basketball team. There is a lot of interest in basketball at the private school the children go to. We have a Junior Varsity team which is made up of 5th and 6th grade boys. Our "Varsity" team is made up of 7th and 8th grade boys. There is also two cheerleading squads for the basketball teams. Oddly enough the 5th grade girls make up the JV cheerleading squad, the 6th grade girls are on the Varsity cheerleading squad. This is where the problem takes root. Emily comes home and announces that she would like to be a cheerleader. Initially I have no problem with this idea. She is a good kid, does great in school and after 7 years of dance class, I have no doubt she would make a great cheerleader. I did have concerns about transportation and the timing of all the kids various activities. Generally we have been able to work out these details though. I told Emily I would see what worked out. I also told her that there had to be a uniform available for her, or there would be no sense in this. At first it seemed there would not be a uniform for her. As fate would have it, one girl quit, making the uniform issue irrelevant. I must admit I was still stalling. You see by then I had seen the cheerleading squad. There were only 2 6th grade girls on it, the rest were all 7th and 8th. One evening when I went to pick up Michael after basketball practice, the cheerleaders were practicing. Several of the girls I knew and liked. Then along came Tiffany. I was hoping the look of shock was not obvious on my face, as she all bouncy and bubbly approached Emily, saying "Emily are you going allowed to join, when do you think you will start coming to practice??" Emily politely explained there were some things that needed to be figured out, permission slips and such. Tiffany is in 7th grade, and looks like she should be in high school, she had this worldly air about her. I was uncomfortable. (Does the name Tammy Faye Baker bring to mind any idea how much make-up this girl was wearing?????? Emily at age 12 is not allowed to wear make-up) Since that time Emily has continued to ask me on and off about cheerleading. I must say, I pretty much skirted the issue being torn between wanting to make Emily happy by allowing her to do what she wanted to do. And knowing in my heart that I did not want her with this group of girls just yet. Emily at age 12 has friends that are younger than she is. Emily has several American Girl dolls and accessories. She loves these dolls and will spend hours playing with them, with her younger friends. Somehow I don't suspect that these older girls on the cheerleading squad would think that was cool. Emily will only be young for such a short period of time, I don't want to rush it. She is happy and content. I had to make a tough choice today.....do I do what she wanted and let her join the cheerleading squad or do I do what I see as best for my daughter...by a parents standard. I think all to often society would lend itself to letting her be a cheerleader, but my heart kept telling me no. I knew I could not put off a decision much longer. Today was the day.
We had gone to an away basketball game. The Varsity Cheerleading coach came walking by. Emily informed me who she was. I simply replied, oh that is nice. A few minutes later she questioned....."Mom, are you going to talk to her about the permission slip??" The time had arrived, I could not put it off any longer, especially as I watched Tiffany sitting there with too much make up on and flipping her hair about. I broke the news to Emily, "Em, it has been on my mind a lot, but I cannot let you join the cheerleaders." I continued on that I felt the group was too old for her and one person specifically concerned me I also told her, that if the cheerleading squad she would be on was cheering for the boys in her class, I would reconsider, but because the did not cheer for the 6th grade boys, I did not feel that she needed to be a cheerleader. I told her that next year when she would be cheering on the boys in her class, I would allow her to join. Now, back to the issue of the girl that I was uncomfortable about, Emily immediately knew who I was talking about. She said, "You mean Tiffany don't you??" I told that was who I meant, and that I was just not comfortable with it. An awkward silence lasted about a minute, until I ask her......"Em, how well do you know her, can you convince me I am wrong??" She said, "She did not know her very well, but I was right. (of course it shocked me, that Emily admitted that...but I felt great that the communication between she and I was an open door) She continued talking, telling me a story of this girl being disrespectful to one of the teachers, getting a detention for her back talk and being thrown out of chorus. I knew Emily was sad about my decision, but I felt she understood. Five or so minutes later, my heart about broke and my resolve nearly broke as well. As I looked over at my daughter, she was fighting back the tears. I apologized to her for my having to make a tough decision, but the decision would stand. She looked rather sad for the remainder of the Basketball game. I knew I had done the right thing and that as hard as it was, I was going to have to let her work though it. After the game ended...and we were heading to the car. She questioned me a bit more about my feelings and expressed her still strong desire to be a cheerleader. The discussion had ended and we walked along for a bit in silence. As we were walking in silence, I noticed my 8 year on the bank of the hillside marching along in the snow. Emily was beside me closest to Brian on the left, and Kevin was tagging along also. Mike and Michael were quite a ways ahead of us. Brian was so cute marching along in the deep snow. I smiled at him and said.....Ya know I used to love to play in the snow when I was your age. He was looking so happy and silly. I am not sure what clicked in my brain but I decided, I was going to throw some snowballs!!! I bent down to my right to pick up some snow. And as I went to stand up straight again.....I caught Emily out of the corner of my eye, leaning over to her left.....scooping up snow. It seems at the same time she and I both got the bright idea that throwing some snowballs would be good for the soul. Emily, Brian and Kevin all started throwing snowballs....and they all chose me as their target. We laughed and giggled as we threw the snow. It was at this point that I knew everything was going to be A-OK with Emily and I.
Jane
BTW.....the JV team won the basketball game. It came down to the final 5 seconds of the game. We won 33-31. The JV team has an undefeated season going!!! I love the coaches...without pressuring these boys they do a great job. |
