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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (18126)	2/14/2001 2:12:01 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62586

I LOVE HER, BUT..... (a collection of men's thoughts on their women) ... she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt. --Howard, Dodge City, Kan. ... she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she'd have? --Ted, Wexford, Pa. ... what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do. --Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass. ... she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Once, to be funny, I put "sex" on the list. Mistake. Now it has to be on the list or it doesn't get done. --Nick, Wheeling, W.Va. ... when she gets an idea in her head, there's no stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it's done. It's not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense. --Jim, Minneapolis ... my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, she asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops used to be smarter than their dogs. --Miles, Shreveport, La. ... every so often boom she's a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is. --Cary, Seattle ... she takes her half of the bed out of the middle. -Robin, Gladwyne, Pa. ... it annoys her that our children look like me. --James, New Orleans ... counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's four women. Somebody's always got PMS. --Everett, Little Rock, Ark. ... with five kids, I don't have time to complain about my wife. I don't have time to notice her. --Bob,