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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (18368)	3/8/2001 7:09:35 AM
From: Mephisto	Respond to of 62592

Uh, huh! (laugh)

To: Barney who wrote (18368)	3/8/2001 7:12:12 AM
From: Mephisto	Respond to of 62592

Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." " Enjoy your vacation, Buddy"

To: Barney who wrote (18368)	3/8/2001 7:34:56 AM
From: Mephisto	Respond to of 62592

A Story from the Seattle Earthquake A group of six and seven year-olds gawked at the skeleton of a dinosaur. The earthquake started. The room shook. And, the dinosaur moved, according to a six-year old boy. He believed it chased him! He screamed! He cried! He ran outside because he was scared. A teacher followed him. He told her the the dinosaur would hurt him. He was terrified. When he went to bed that night he had terrible dreams. The next day the teacher asked the class to write a story about their experiences. She hoped that if they wrote about the dinosaurs that they would feel better. I don't know how the little boy or his classmates feel now. I hope that they are no longer afraid. This is a true story. It's funny. And it is sad too!.

To: Barney who wrote (18368)	3/9/2001 9:57:43 PM
From: Karen Lawrence	Respond to of 62592

Mark Twain: "All you need is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." "The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." "Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." "Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied." "Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." "Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." "I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me now I would go to that man and take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him." "By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean." "We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking." "Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." "Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest." "The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet." "It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress." "The New York papers have long known that no large question is ever really settled until I have been consulted." "In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination." "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." "Let your secret sympathies and your compassion be always with the under dog in the fight -- this is magnanimity; but bet on the other one -- this is business."